SEEKS DISSIMILAR by E J Hunter

After Bobby-Jay left me, us, for kinda like, the eighth time, I guessed as how it was ‘bout right that I stood on my own feet. He didn’ love me. I can see that now. I was jus’ a place to lay his head, if yous know what I mean, before he hit the road agin. It weren’t always like that though…

It was so romantic when we first met. Like something outta one them silly films. He had this way of making me feel so damn…special. There was a time when he had me eatin’ out of his hand. Damn those baby blues, hey girls?! You know the kin’. Doncha? You’d’ve done the same as me, wouldn’t ya?! I knows it!

You see, this is how it went, I work tables at the Stetson Bar’n’Grill, and on Friday nights we got ourselves a music night. Bobby-Jay was playin’ that slide guitar o’ his, and oh my gosh, honestly I ain’t been nearer to tears, but it was so beautiful. He played like an angel I tell you. An’ the night that he first played, that we first saw each other, tequila sunrises were on special. And he goes right on and buys me a pitcher, jus’ for me. And he tol’ me I could keep the change an’ all. Now he didn’t have to do that did he? He musta loved me a little bit. Then.

But that was way back when. An now he’s gone. I guess that part of me hopes that this time it’s for good. He can go off an play honky tonk and sing about all them broken hearts for someone else.

He ain’t got the balls to be in love. Not properly. An’ I did love him, I really did. And that’s why he ran. He jus’ couldn’t handle it. He weren’t no real man I tells you!

I got round to thinking that maybe, me an BJ Junior and baby are better off alone. Well maybe not totally alone, but without him. Maybe.

I really thought as how I could do it all on my own. And for a while it worked…you see, after he stomped off this last time, when he found out that Tyler was on the way and he made out like that weren’t nothing to do with him, I decided that I had had enough of men. I mean they weren’t nothing but trouble. I mean I knows I always liked them a bit rough and ready, but there were times when Bobby-Jay was just that little bit too rough.

He never meant it though you unnerstand. It was just something about us together, I guess. It was like I jus’ kinda managed to rub him up the wrong way someways. I mean he said I weren’t no angel either.

But my baby boys, now, they, they are angels. I loves them to tiny little itty pieces, and I knows that they love me too. I know that some people think that they’s a handful, and they give me back chat sometimes, but they good boys. An’ they love their Mama. They love me back as much as I love them.

Which is all I ever wanted from anyone. Which don’t seem like too much to ask. Although sometimes it feels like I is asking God for too much. Least that’s the way it feels.

Here’s the thang, I thought I might try me one of them lonely hearts things. Coz you sees, sometimes I do get lonely. I need some adult time, and I don’t never seem to get that. At home it’s all about the babies and then at the bar the men there are just as bad as the babies. If not worse! So, I do get lonesome. Listen to me! I sound as sad as one of Bobby-Jay’s songs!

So I’ve written this here, but maybe I needs some help with it – what do you think? I think it sounds like me and I am clear about what I’m asking for. I just want to makes sure it sounds right. That I still sound like a lady, and don’t come across as desperate as all get out!

I know there ain’t no shame in it, I just don’t seem to be able to meet the right sort at the moment. But I’m hoping that’ll change right?.

Mama said that I would be better off with one of them agencies, but that feels a bit cheap to me, and this way I get to chose proper before I go and commit to a date or anything.

So here it is: ‘Still pretty at 25, brunette, G.S.O.H.’ (that’s good sense of humour you know – Mama always said that one of my good points was how I could laugh it off, even when life was getting’ tricky and Bobby-Jay was bein’ spiteful an all. So that’s why I’ve included that.) I’ve also put that I’m solvent…well between my tips and what lil’ alimony comes in to the house, we gets by – an’ I don’t want people thinking that I’m a gol’ digger. No sir! I’m an independent woman, jus’ like Beyonce says.

Sorry, I was reading for you all, I’ll start agin: ‘Still pretty at 25, brunette, G.S.O.H. solvent woman seeks rough diamon’ for fun, romance ’n’ maybe more.’

I think that’s OK, I think that it is important that they is a diamond, but I ain’t no snob. My daddy was a honest hard workin’ truck driver, and he was a still a good man. I mean, at least he waited until we was all grown up until he ran off with his fancy woman.

That’s what I mean by diamond. A real man, jus’ like my Daddy. Sometimes I don’t think it hurts to be a little ol’ fashioned.

And I was gonna say about the boys, but it cost more if you went over 20 words.

I’ll tell them about them, if it looks like it’s going someplace. But I can tell you now, that if they are mean to my babies, then they can jus’ git! Straight off the bat! I ain’t gonna be on no Jerry Springer ‘It’s me or your chillern’ like my Aunt Leslee, no way!

We a whole package.

I think that says enough. Don’t you? I mean it’s got all the important stuff – what I look like, how old I am and that I got my own money.

Wish me luck, I’m goin’ to the office to file it right away. I’s got a good feeling about this.