LETTER TO AMERICA [draft]

Dear Frank

I must admit that the first I knew about the coup was when Shaun Rafferty was cut off in mid stream to be replaced by the Brandenburg Concerto. I naturally supposed it to be one of their occasional ISDN line hitches which carries BBC Radio 3 outside broadcasts. For all I knew it carried live studio broadcasts as well.

Need I even say I had no idea that the pleasant strains of Handel wafting through my living room, were coming from a secret broadcast centre somewhere under the Chiltern Hills. While I sipped on some remicrowaved mulled wine left over from a party the Saturday before, crack SAS troupes were attempting to secure the transmitters for the previous Government.

To be brief, the philosophy had always been that so long as the great unwashed never got to know about it, all was not lost. It turns out that this was the fourth attempted coup against the elected British Government since 1976. And now, the first successful one.

Get one thing clear: up till now, or yesterday, this was so secret as to be well beyond top secret. The information was not classified as such, as it was never actually written down. Whenever such events occurred a brief outline was formulated of what had occurred and what agreements had been reached to pacify the situation. This ‘document’ was then committed to memory by the essential players. All others were forbidden, potentially on pain of death, to speak of the affair again.

Away with all that however: it is history. Now all this information has passed into the public domain. We have gone from being a constitutional monarchy without constitution, to a constitutional monarchy with one. At least that is the plan. Several different constitutions are being drafted even as I type which we will get to vote on within the next two months.

Before almost anything else and with immediate effect we already have our first constitutional right and that is a far reaching Complete Freedom of Information Act which was passed earlier today. The Complete Personal Freedom Act is also to be passed early tomorrow. That will strike the death knell for all those illegal drug pushers and pimps. Organised crime will not like this at all, especially as the death penalty is to be reintroduced for heading up mafia style organisations.

Being a little different than before, in future the Executive will be appointed by a slightly expanded Privy Council, which will continue to advise the Queen as normal. The House of Commons will be elected by the people, as it is now and continue to act as a barometer of public opinion. The Prime Minister will have a fixed eight year term to coincide or slightly lag behind your American Presidency and naturally will be appointed by the Privy Council. From now on, all elections will be by proportional representation. The House of Lords is to go. Titles however will be bestowed by the queen in the usual manner. Carpet knights will abound.

Shot in the arm for the Brits, what! Now that there is complete freedom of information it is naturally more or less impossible to claim that something is not clear or fully out in the open. Therefore what I’m about to say is kind of mad and purely due to my own muddleheadedness, but though I’ve switched channels and been glued to BBC Radio 4 for the past day and a half, I’m still not clear who was behind the coup. I may need to metaphorically scrub this last para in the next day or two as the Complete Freedom of Information Act comes fully into force, so do commit to memory.

Save for a few doubters I think most people feel this is a step forward. Very much hoping to see you in person alive and well in the very near future.

Me and all the family are well. All my love and warmest thoughts.

Nick.

P.S. Had a bit of a code but it’s clearing up now. I’m taking ‘Lemsip’ capsules which are the ‘first word’ in cold cures.

***